I’m so not gay all the dicks I suck cum quick, thus making me suck dick for the shortest amount of time possible.

I aint no queer

Why do all these gay guys keep trying to suck my dick? I mean I’m definitely not gay as you can tell by my collection of vintage Playboy magazines and my rugged good looks. And it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong as I stretch out my calves on the park bench at 11pm while wearing my super short shorts to make running easier. But the next thing I know, some gay guy will start sucking my dick! It’s really annoying. I ask them to stop, but they just keep going with those long even strokes while softly caressing my testicles. I even tried bribing one once, but that just emboldened them. I don’t know what else to do to make these gay guys stop. It’s really starting to interfere with my running schedule.

Schrödinger’s closet: as long as you’re inside, you’re simultaneously gay and not gay.

Well, your username makes me think that you might be female, in which case you could suck as many dicks as you want and it wouldn’t be gay.

Prove it.