“Well that was certainly a wild interview, but you definitely seem like the least traumatized person who’s interviewed for this position by far so you’re hired.”

Money saving tip: instead of therapy, just respond to the “wrong number” pig butchering scammers and play along with their game. The whole point of pig butchering scams is to foster friendship and connection before scamming you out of all your money. So you can talk to them about your problems and they have to listen and form coherent responses. As a bonus you’ll be wasting the time of a scammer.