Fonzie!

How about flat, easy to recognise icons and straight, square windows and app designs?

Brutalism for your DE!

No reason they wouldn’t work on a small phone, especially back then

I miss the Vista tingle and shine, and the sounds it had

It seems Nintendo’s consoles (Wii, DS, 3DS) were also more colourful and packed with music and sound then.

The Switch is so quiet. So… Dead?

God, no!

Though these do look pretty, they don’t look like the buttons in Windows 95/XP and maybe that’s a good thing.

And that setting up, and updating it, takes much technical knowledge, a lot of time, and the packages and their updates come from whoever on the internet much like the AUR.
For stability, I would not recommend NixOS, at all.

to allow registration as anonymously as a library card.

Sounds like a good kind of library card, what country are they from?
Here in the Nethers I need to pay with my bank (not fully anonymous) and register with my national ID card or passport (not at all anonymous) for a library card in my city.

I can vouch for Linux Mint / LMDE; their pre-installed software and defaults seem very sensible and I need far less set-up, fixing and fiddling (esp. with NVidea hardware; the open-source driver refused to make anything run on GPU with my Asus ROG Strix GTX 970) then on bare-bones Debian or Ubuntu LTS.
All four mentioned here have very stable and safe release schedules.

Bazzite’s defaults help a lot with gaming (and that stupid NVidea driver) and the initial welcome-screen helps you install the Steam, Lutris, OBS, etc. you want and leave out anything you don’t. It’s actually helpful, really!
I do want to add Bazzite’s team seems to have only one person who can sign releases, and they did misplace a key at least once leading to nobody receiving updates until they replaced the key in their installation.
Their team management does not seem the best; assuming this was a one-off thing Bazzite can still be a great, stable choice.

stable release
NixOS

Yeah, nah. Let them have Debian/LMDE, or (Atomic) Fedora, instead.

It doesn’t, and offers an even friendlier experience than Manjaro IMO

“help patent trolls” is a very confusing statement, as “patent” can be a verb or a noun in this case. “help patent abuse” would be much clearer.

Privacy != Security

At least MiHoyo’s anti cheat detects and blocks VirtualBox VMs as well as Waydroid.

Also, I experienced better driver support with Mint than with Ubuntu, so it also worked better out of the box.

Though that may (no longer) be an issue for OP.

Genuine thanks for actually telling me where not to go

They’re already putting out a petition so they’re not wholly against the idea of an EU-Linux.

Also, this has been done before by other governments, like parts of the UK’s and many Indian governments.

I think it’d be a big step, but a doable one and for the better.

Why do you compare it to destroying and rebuilding one of the EU countries, if I may ask?

“fuck the overwhelming minority of Russians, mostly the rich elite, but not the ones oppressed by their government”

Netherlands doesn’t do this, and we have less holidays then UK haha

TinyCore does this, I think; by default files and applications go into session storage (cleared on logout), but they can be moved/writted to persistent storage. I have to say I digged it, and I wish the driver and application support was better (but then it wouldn’t be so minimal)

You can also run them using the correct Proton prefix directly.

ProtonTricks can help make this a lot easier and more graphical.

Millenials grew up using BASIC on Windows 3?!

Millenials were teenagers possibly learning coding starting from 1995, the world was using C++ on Windows 95 at best.